Family Still Matters
by tosha1979
Summary: Steve and Laura have been married for 17 years now and have four children. What's life like in the Urkel household?


Family Still Matters

By

LaTosha Franklin

The setting sun's light filtered through the trees and the kitchen window to kiss the faces of Laura Urkel and her five-year-old look alike, Lillie as together they stirred their home-made tomato sauce. Laura lifted the spoon to her lips and tasted her creation then let Lillie have her turn.

"What do you think, Lil? Does it need anything?" Laura asked.

Lillie tasted the sauce and thought really hard before coming to her conclusion. "Why mess with perfection?" the precocious five-year-old asked.

Laura laughed out loud but was not surprised. Lillie said things like that all the time. All the kids did. She knew marrying Steve Urkel would culminate in the production of genius children. And they had produced four of the most beautiful children in the world with their father's intellect and—thankfully—their mother's fashion sense and social grace. Laura smiled at that thought. She checked the clock on the stove and smiled even brighter. Steve would be home any minute.

She couldn't believe after almost 18 years of marriage she still got excited to see her husband walk through the door. Her pulse quickened and she felt down-right giddy, which she tried to hide from her girls.

"Uh oh, Dad must be on his way home. You're getting that look on your face." Said the eldest child, Stephanie.

"What look?" asked Lillie.

"That look they both get when they wanna…kiss." The 14-year-old could barely get that last word out.

"Ew!" exclaimed Lillie. "That's gross! Please wipe that look off your face!"

Laura and Stephanie both laughed.

"Hey, if it wasn't for that look you wouldn't be here." Laura said, pressing her forefinger to Lillie's nose like a button. "And neither would you." She said to the teenager.

"Why?" asked Lillie.

"Uh oh," said Stephanie "I feel a birds and bees talk coming on. Wait a minute. Hang on. Let me just grab my stuff and go…anyplace else." Stephanie grabbed the homework she was working on at the table and high tailed it out of the kitchen.

Laura called after her. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Tell your brothers to stop conducting experiments on the cat and wash their hands."

She returned to her youngest and said, "In the meantime, you wanna help me make Daddy's lunch for tomorrow?"

"Ok." Lillie said.

"Grab the left over eel parmesan out of the fridge."

With a scrunched up face Lillie did as her mother said. "Mommy, why does Daddy like weird food?"

"Because Daddy is a very complex and unique individual. He marches to the beat of his own drummer, therefore it stands to reason his likes and dislikes would be just as unique as he is."

Lillie squinted her eyes at her mother. "What?"

"Daddy's weird."

"Oh. But we love him anyway?"

"Yes. We love him anyway."

Then the object of their affection stumbled through the back door effectively dropping all his papers and molecular model on the floor: protons and neutrons everywhere.

"Hello family!" He said happily in his nasally albeit no-so-grading-now-that-his-voice-finally-changed voice. "Ah Laura, my rose! Not even the soft glow of the setting sun can compare to the beauty that is you." He opened his arms and Laura happily walked into his embrace.

Not wanting to be left out, Lillie made her presence known. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hallo mein liebes kind. Wie war de in tag?"

"Wunderbare!"

"Yeah?" He gathered Lillie up in his arms.

"Yeah. Derrick Johnson threw up and we all got to go home early."

Laura filled in the rest of the story. "They wanted to make sure it wasn't a virus. Turns out, little Derrick ate something he shouldn't have."

"What was it?" Steve asked.

"A red crayon." Lillie answered, smiling.

"Why on Earth would he eat a red crayon? Everyone knows the green ones taste best."

"It was a dare."

"What child with questionable upbringing dared him to do such a thing?"

"Your child." Laura said.

"Lillian! Well, I can't say I'm surprised. You get if from your mother."

Laura playfully hit him. "She does not!"

Steve sat down with Lillie still in his arms. "You know, Mommy made me eat Play-doh when we were in kindergarten."

"Cool! Did you throw up?" she asked.

"No. I'd already built up a tolerance for it by then."

Ten-year-old identical twin boys in identical lab coats came bursting through the swinging door of the kitchen. "Hi, Dad." They said simultaneously.

"Hey fellas. Whatcha workin' on today?"

"Follicle regeneration." Said the older twin, John-Carl.

"Yeah. We made a serum to regrow hair." William the younger twin added. "If it works on Minxy, can we try it on Grandpa Carl?"

"Only if you get his permission this time." Answered Steve firmly. "He's still miffed about waking up with all of his toe nails missing. And what do you mean _if_ it works on Minxy? Minxy already has h—you shaved the cat, didn't you?"

John-Carl spoke up. "We had to. Mom wouldn't let us try it on Lillie."

Steve lifted Lillie off his lap and stood. "Oh, poor Minxy. I better check to see if she's all right. You boys help set the table."

Stephanie was finishing homework in the living room when her father breezed past her. "Hi, Dad."

"Hi Sweetheart." He said on his way to the basement. "I'll be right back. I'm gonna go make sure the cat is still alive."

"Ok." She replied nonchalantly.

The doorbell rang and Stephanie rose answer it. The peep hole revealed it to be Renee, Stephanie's friend from school.

"Hey, Renee."

"Hey, Steph. Here's that book you wanted."

"Oh, thanks. You wanna come in?"

"I can't. My mom's waiting in the car. I just wanted to drop the book off and remind you play rehearsal starts this Thursday."

"I'll be there with bells on."

"Why would you wear bells to rehearsal?" Renee asked in all sincerity.

"I'm kidding. It's just something my dad says a lot."

"Oh. Speaking of annoying, do you think you could get your _mom_ to bring you to rehearsal this time? Not that the drama club doesn't enjoy watching your dad trip and fall but last time he took our lead actor and two teachers down with him."

"I know." Said Stephanie with a huff. "And now every time Ricky Thomas sees me he shouts, 'Beware of the ides of Urkel!' Why does my dad have to be such a clumsy doof? It's embarrassing. I wish he were more like your dad."

"What, absent?" Renee scoffed. "Look, I like your dad. I just want us to get through one production without bodily injuries."

"Don't worry. The play opens on the fourth. My dad has to speak at a conference in Boston on the fifth. I'll tell him the play opens then."

"Well, good luck with that. I gotta go. Tonight's my night to bathe my grandma. See ya!"

Stephanie closed the door and turned around just in time to see her dad's slumped shoulders as he retreated from the living room to the kitchen. _Oh no_ , she thought. _What if he heard me?_

Steve's attitude later on at the dinner table confirmed that he did hear her. He made eye contact with everyone but her. He barely touched his dinner and even though he acted like his usual, perky self, his eyes were sad.

Stephanie felt horrible, but thankfully no one seemed to notice.

"Well go on." John-Carl said to Will. "Finish the story. Was it pee or apple juice?"

Laura gave her son the eye. "William, if you know what's good for you, you will not finish that story."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you. Now if you're all finished, who's on dish duty tonight?"

A resounding "Stephanie!" rang from the younger members of the family.

"Thanks guys." Said Stephanie sarcastically.

Everyone rose to leave. Stephanie decided to gauge just how mad Steve was. "Hey Dad? When I'm finished in the kitchen, do you want to catch Polka Band Slam on PBS? It's Meisner Five against The Polkaholics."

"Not tonight, Sweetheart. I've got an early day tomorrow." He said sadly.

Stephanie stared at the door long after her dad had left the room.

A few minutes later Laura returned through the same door and without mincing words, got right to the point. "All right. You wanna tell me what's going on between you and your dad?"

"Nothing" said Stephanie "except that he hates me."

"Well _hate_ is a really strong word, Steph. Did you assassinate a world leader without permission?"

"No."

"Did you sell out a third-world country for its diamond mines?"

"Mom!"

"Well, What'd you do that was so bad it would make your dad hate you?"

"Ok, so maybe he doesn't _hate_ me. But he sure doesn't like me right about now."

"Why?"

"I was talking to Renee earlier and I guess I said some things about him that were kind of mean. And I guess he heard me. And I guess I hurt his feelings"

"You _guess_ you hurt his feelings?"

"I _did_ hurt his feelings." Stephanie admitted in shame.

"Oh."

"But Mom we were really just joking around."

"Sweetheart, if that were true, you wouldn't feel so bad right now."

"It's just that some of the things he does is embarrassing."

"Like what?"

"He walks funny, his voice is all nasally. He breaks things, he breaks people, Mom! Even you said you spent the first night of your marriage in the emergency room."

"Yeah, but not for myself. It was your Grandpa Carl. You see what had happened was…Steve had a…there was a champagne cork and…falling chandelier—it was a wedding toast gone horribly awry. Put it that way."

"See?" Stephanie exclaimed, gesturing with soapy, dishwater hands. "That's what I'm talking about. That's Dad."

"Yes that's your dad. It's always been your dad. As long as you've known him, he's always walked funny and sounded nasally and broken things. It's never bothered you before. Why are you so embarrassed by him now?"

Stephanie thought about her mom's question. "I don't know. Do you think I'm a terrible person?"

Laura gave her daughter a sideways hug. "I don't think you're a terrible person. I think you're a shallow person.

This surprised Stephanie. "What?"

"Mm hmm. Shallow just like your mama at 14."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean from kindergarten to college Steve Urkel was the bane of my existence. He followed me around like a pitiful four-eyed puppy with four left paws. He spent more time at our house than his own. He broke my parent's kitchen window a total of 97 times. I know. I counted."

"Wow!" Stephanie said laughing.

"And it wasn't just me he annoyed, it was the whole family. He got on your Aunt Judy's nerves so bad, she used to hide when he would come over. There was a time when I swear she went missing for like seven years."

"That's hilarious!"

"That was life with Urkel."

"And you still married him?"

"Funny how life works out."

"How'd you end up falling for him? What happened?"

"Stephan Urquelle happened."

"Oh, yeah, Aunt Maxine told me about him, how _fine_ he was."

"Girl, _fine_ is an understatement. He had so much swag it was ridiculous."

"Well, why didn't you marry him?"

"Because I made a very interesting discovery."

"About Stephan?"

"No, about myself. For years all I could see was this goofy nerd who was short and skinny. His glasses were too big for his face and his feet were too big for his body and I just could not see myself falling in love with…that. Your dad knew this so he created an alter ego, Stephan. He was everything Steve wasn't: cool, popular, and so smooth! I was head-over-heels in love with him.

'We dated for three years, then I began to realize that the only reason I was in love with Stephan was because he was what I wished Steve could be on the surface, which had to mean…that I was actually in love with Steve. I just wasn't willing to accept him as he was. And when I was finally able to accept him just as he was, that's when I began to notice that Steve and Stephan looked an awful lot alike and all the wonderful qualities I loved in Stephan were also in Steve and always had been. I was just too _shallow_ to see it. After that it was the easiest thing in the world to fall in love with your father."

"And you still love him?" Stephanie asked wistfully.

"With all my heart." Her mom answered. "I also respect him." That word _respect_ was aimed directly at Stephanie. "Because he's a good man; a great husband and father. He loves his family. And despite all his quirks, for as long as I've known him, and no matter what anyone has ever said about him, he's always remained true to himself and you've got to respect that."

Stephanie hung her head and sighed. "I'm sorry I disrespected Dad."

"I appreciate that. But he's the one that needs to hear it."

Stephanie nodded in agreement.

"C'mon. I'll help you finish up here just this once." They began to clean in earnest.

"So Mom, whatever happened to Stephan?"

"That's a story for another day."

Later that night, Laura found her husband on the balcony peering through his telescope at the heavens.

"Good evening, professor." She said.

"Good evening counselor." He smiled and gestured for her to come closer. "Come here, I wanna show you something."

"Oh, if it's the Bloomgartens sponge bathing in their back yard again…"

"No, no. Up in the sky."

Laura stepped between Steve and the telescope and looked through its lens.

"What do you see?" He asked.

"I see something that looks like a cloud but it has different colors."

"And just above it, what do you see?"

"A really bright star. It's brighter than the other ones."

"What you're seeing is a Nova, an explosion, caused by two stars getting a little too close to each other." He emphasized this by wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck.

Laura giggled because it was her tickle spot. "Oh, I see. Now explain to me what draws these two stars together."

As he explained, he continued to place kisses along her neck and shoulder. The sensation made her toes tingle.

"They're part of a binary star system. It's two stars orbiting around their common center of mass."

Laura turned around to kiss him full on the lips. "I love it when you speak nerd."

They kissed deeply and passionately. When Laura finally pulled away she said, "You know what I think? I think you hatched up this star-gazing plot just to get your hands on me."

"Yes indeedy, Sweetie! I have to touch you every once in a while to make sure you're real and I haven't been dreaming for the last 17 years."

"Oh I'm real all right. I have the stretch marks from bearing your children to prove it."

"Oh, good."

"Speaking of children, I had a very interesting conversation with Stephanie."

"Mm Hmm."

"She knows she hurt you, Steve. She's trying to work up the courage to come and apologize."

"Maybe I should go and let her off the hook."

"You could do that but I think it would be better if you let her come to you. It would teach her humility and responsibility and how to mend fences with someone you love."

"How'd you get to be so smart?"

"When we were growing up, did it not seem to you that we learned some sort of life lesson once a week?"

Steve nodded in astonished agreement. "Mm, every Friday night it seemed."

"Yeah."

The door to the balcony opened and Stephanie appeared dressed in her One Direction t-shirt and pajama bottoms with her fuzzy, bear slippers. "Dad, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Sweetheart." The contriteness on her face and in her voice melted Steve's heart. He would let her speak and get if off her chest but as far as he was concerned, all was forgiven.

Laura spoke up. "I'll let you two have some privacy."

Just then the screeching sound of a cat in distress pierced the night. Laura stomped through the balcony door back into the house yelling, "Boys, I told you to leave that cat alone! You've already used up six of her lives!"

They were alone now and Stephanie had practiced what she was going to say, but seeing her father standing there looking at her with nothing but love in his eyes, all she could say was, "I'm sorry, Daddy!"

He didn't speak. He just opened his arms and let her bury her face in his chest and cry.

The End.


End file.
